civesnedfield
Member
BAKED BEANS--This is hilarious!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by
a
small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I
had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made
sure
that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed
were
still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so
while
my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
weight
to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a
few
more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on
it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must
have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing
for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he r emoved the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated
around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by
a
small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I
had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made
sure
that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed
were
still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so
while
my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
weight
to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a
few
more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on
it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must
have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing
for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he r emoved the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated
around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!