Southern Women

bczoom · Aug 12, 2009

What Southern Women Know and other"Southernisms"



Southern women know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh

The crick

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Honey

Darlin'

Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Driving Miss Daisy

Steel Magnolias

Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Baptist

Methodist

Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn



S'vanah

Foat Wuth

N'awlins

Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Country Club

The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food



More Suthen-ism's:

Onlya Southerner knows the difference between ahissie fit and aconniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." 

_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of"yonder."

_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long"directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

_____

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

_____

All Southerners know exactly when"by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a
big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real
crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between"right near" and"a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20

_____

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

_____

A Southerner knows that"fixin"can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

_____

In the South,y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

_____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

_____

Only true Southerners say"sweet tea"and"sweet milk."Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our
tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

_____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!

_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to
have classes on Southernness as a second language!

_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that
reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."





Southern girls know men may come and go,

but friends are fahevah!

bordercollie · Aug 12, 2009

Well Bczoom, You sure got that right.. Very very good. I will shore have to have you and yure family over for supper sometime 'fore long. Thanks ya hear! Bordercollie

Peanut · Aug 12, 2009

good post my ole lady must be from the north then cause all she ever says is "GET OFF YOUR LAZY %%$ AND DO SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUSE FOR A CHANGE YOUF'IN BUM"lmao. then they have the other saying like"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKIN WHEN I MARRIED YO ^#%^!!!

then there's the famouse sayng when they are sitting there and you really make them mad " I WOULD BE GETTING OUT NEXT WEEK IF I WOULDA KILLED YOUR %^% WHEN I WANTED TOO!! no matter how bad it gets just remember that ear plugs ain't for just shooting guns and swimmin.

bczoom · Aug 12, 2009

There were three southern belles on the front
lawn of a plantation... 

The first belle says "see my diamond necklace? My beau gave it to me, he's rich and he loves me". The second belle
gushes over the jewel and the third says "well that's nice".

The
second belle says " see my diamond ring? My beau gave it to me; he's
rich and he loves me" The first belle gushes over the jewel and the
third says "well that's nice".

The first and second belles look
at the third and ask "Well what does your beau buy you? isn't he rich
and doesn't he just love you?" The third belle say " Why yes he's rich
and he loves me... He sent me to etiquette school!"

The first
and second belles ask "etiquette school? whatever for?" The third
southern belle replies "So that i could learn to say 'Well that's nice'
instead of 'who gives a sh**'!"

Kubota Kanook · Aug 12, 2009

A southern belle was seated next to a stranger on a long haul flight when he turned to her and said "lets talk, Iv'e heard that the flight passes more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger"

The belle who had just opened a book slowly closed it and replied " OK! What would you like to talk about"

"Oh! I don't know" said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles.

"OK, that could be an interesting topic" she says. "but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff-grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger, visably surprised by the belles intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the belle replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know crap."

ne-sd · Aug 12, 2009

Up here in the NORTH country, we often have to give our wifes an adjustment, which usually means a good whooping. Last week I was giving my wife a good whooping and had her on her knees next to the bed. All I could hear her saying was "come out from under there you &#% SOB. I give her a good lesson though. jerry

Kubota Kanook · Aug 12, 2009

NE-SD (jerry)

GOOD ONE....lmao...

Southern Women

bczoom

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Peanut

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